So, guns. The big debate.

Assholes on one side are afraid that the government will take their guns away, and then they’d have to face the fact that they may indeed have a small penis.

Assholes on the other side are saying keep your guns, but regulate the fuck out of them.

Other assholes are just sitting back and eating popcorn. There are probably assholes I forgot to mention as well.

I like guns. I also recognize one simple truth. I should not own one. I should barely be allowed silverware given my mood most days. This means that I have the ability to use logic, and frankly, decency.

Yes, I said it. A lot of gun owners are terrible human beings who mostly own guns in the vague hope of killing something.

Hunting is one thing. Food, clothing, tools. Hell, even jewelry is fine. Hanging the head of a dead animal in a room for decoration, that’s a bit sick, and not entirely different from soldiers who collected ears or other body parts. Besides, you can get a fake animal head if you just wanted the decoration. Waking up at the asscrack of dawn and spraying yourself with piss just to get that trophy, that’s fucked up.

When it comes to guns I guess I fall into the regulation group. Treat them like cars, where insurance, training, service checks, and age limits are a thing. Psych evaluations should be for cars, too. Frankly, the roads would be a better place if Dickhead Earnhart wannabee junior couldn’t cut you off or ride 15 miles down the highway with his blinker on in the one instance he uses the fucking thing.

But, I digress.

Nobody needs a concealed gun. NOBODY. If you’re going to carry it, show that fucking thing off. Show the world that you can kill someone if you need to. Call it what it is. It’s not protection. You can learn self-defense. Take a judo class. If self-defense was the only reason you have a gun, you’re lying to yourself.

Someone robs you. So what? Yes, it sucks, but killing someone because you can’t handle losing your iPhone with the Candy Crush high score? Fuck you. You’re hoping somewhere down the road you get to kill someone. And dare I say it, someone a different color than you.

Maybe you’re different. A responsible gun owner who only shoots things on Sundays on your way to church, so you should have that assault rifle.

Fuck you. You don’t need an assault rifle.

And the 2nd amendment? Guess what, it;s an AMENDMENT. IT WAS ADDED TO THE CONSTITUTION. The government didn’t give you that “right” out of the gate. It was an “oh, well, maybe this idea could be useful” moment, and it was written when people only had muskets and flintlocks.

So fuck you and your assault rifle. Man up. Carry a musket around, because that’s what the government at the time meant. Nobody’s clarified it since then.