First off, if you get offended by what I say, remember the little “X” at the top right of your browser window. It’s there so you don’t have to read anything you don’t like. And, if I may humbly suggest, you are also free to stop using the Internet entirely. Go outside. Read a newspaper. Talk to another human. Talk to a tree. You are free to do anything you want as long as you harm no one.

Secondly, the majority of this was written in spurts while on mobile at work. It seems coherent, but I am not fully awake and need caffeine.

With that said, let us talk again about guns. If you are one of the increasingly few trained gun owners who are responsible, well-tempered, and have never had any mental health issues, then gold star you. You’re a fucking unicorn. Be proud.

However, if you are not, well, maybe it’s not a gun that you really need. Therapy may just be a decent substitute.

Right now, I could go to a store and buy a gun. A gun that is easier for me to acquire than a pet, or even my asthma medication.

Let me repeat that. It is easier for me to acquire something with the intent to kill than the intent to prolong my own life. That is fucked up in ways the founding fathers never dreamed, and the good old USA did that without their help at all.

I know I have friends that fall into the “good” gun owners crowd. Several are trained by the military, and aside from that, are still relatively sane and responsible. I know I also have friends that frankly I wouldn’t trust with a Taco Bell spork.

I could be a responsible gun owner. I have had some training from a family member, and have more than a little bit of knowledge on gun safety. I however also have my mother’s temper and have worked jobs in both retail and food service, meaning I would gleefully set people on fire if allowed. I should not own a gun, and I am okay with that. I am one of those who probably shouldn’t even be trusted with the Taco Bell spork.

What I am not okay with is delusion. I doubt anyone I know can come up with a valid, well thought out reason why they should own a gun that does not involve the tropes of “constitutional rights” or “property/self defense”.

First off, you have no constitutional right to have a gun. You have an amendment based right. The constitution does not give you that right. The Bill of Rights does, and was written as both an afterthought and by design to be a living document that can and has been changed to fit the needs of the people at the time. There are currently 27 of these, with more pending.

I have heard people actually try to say that the constitution cannot be changed and the 2nd amendment needs to be expanded upon. These people need both an English and a history class. English to teach them the definitions of the words they are misusing, and history for what the constitution actually is. Many politicians need both as well (plus a forehead tattoo saying “jackass”).

Defense. Now this one is a bit different, as there is more than just “my gun keeps me safe” to consider.

Home defense, well, maybe get better locks. An alert system. Better neighbors (You can’t really control this one short of moving, I know. But you can take the time to get some knowledge about who lives by you.) Hell, a dog. (Which brings the discussion about being a good pet handler, but for another time). Best case. you learn more about where you live and who lives near you. You make friends. You find out who to avoid and who to watch. You have a community you are a part of. None of that requires a gun.

However, it also implies that the world works fairly, and there isn’t some asshole who will attempt to rob or worse. This is the argument that the majority of gun owners use. “I gotta protect my stuff/family/dildo collection!”. I understand this, but as I said before….. it’s not enough to just have a gun. Get training. Being American is not enough. Playing Call of Battlefield XVII with the “Blow Shit Up Good” DLC is not enough. You need training. You need to be responsible. You need to understand that you potentially can kill someone, and that is the absolute last resort. Guns are not toys. And this is infinitely more important if you have children.

Recently there was an NRA supporting proud gun owner who was shot by her own child because….she treated guns as toys, and children love toys. She failed in responsibility, in training, and in parenting. She probably didn’t deserve to be shot, but nobody deserves to be robbed, either.

I’m digressing, however. I do respect your amendment based right to have a gun. I do not respect the need to have anything that is military grade. If you have to have a fully automatic rifle for “hunting”, come back from the land of dinosaurs and rejoin the civilized humans who live outside of caves. Or, take a few classes and practice a bit so you’re a better shot, because you suck at hunting. Or, maybe see a therapist about those deep seated feelings you may have about the size of your penis. Overcompensation doesn’t help anyone, except maybe your local gun store.

I think regulation is key. I think training is key. And I think if you disagree, well, you probably shouldn’t own a gun, or that Taco Bell spork.